Four things to watch in Texans-Ravens on 'MNF'

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Four things to watch in Texans-Ravens on 'MNF'

It's quite easy to debunk time travel. Have you heard of Adolf Hitler? Then either time travel isn't a thing, or time travelers are a real bunch of tools for not wiping him from history. In fact, this also seems to be the opinion of those who believe in time travel   the tool part, that is.

According to believers on Tumblr and Facebook, historians keep finding evidence of time travelers acting like idiots by haphazardly wandering into photos, leaving behind their stuff, and making other rookie mistakes. Some of you might remember this viral smash from several years ago about a Charlie Chaplin blooper reel which accidentally bagged footage of a time traveler talking on her cellphone:

We're sorry to disappoint you, but that was nothing but an old timey hearing aid   which, obviously, one had to hold against their head, because the notion of making inventions tiny and convenient hadn't been invented yet. It's like when some weirdo thought a Civil War soldier pulled out an iPhone to give directions to the stagecoach driver in the 1948 western Fort Apache. That can't possibly be true. If that guy really had an iPhone, he would've insisted on recording the whole movie on it. Also, and we shouldn't have to be the ones to point this out, but unless these "time travelers" had some sort of slipstream technology installed in their OtterBoxes, there is no possible way their alleged cellphones would work bears jerseys for sale in the past, because cell towers did not exist.

Truly, the incompetence of these highly advanced humans seems to know no bounds. Like when tabloids thought that some time surfing hipster had dropped his vintage Swiss watch in the tomb of a Ming emperor?

via Ancient seahawks jerseys for sale Origins

Shortly after he accidentally put in the wash and it shrank.

Or when that same dude photobombed at a bridge opening in 1941, popping up in the audience like he was standing in line for the opening of a new vape shop?

Wiki Commons

Everyone in that crowd hates him as much as you would.

Well, the watch is from an unverified story published on a website known for bullshit, and has never been followed up on in almost a decade. And while the so called "time traveling hipster" might look at odds with his surroundings, all of the stuff that he's wearing was commercially available at the time, from the cardigan to the sunglasses all the way down to the tiny camera. Because that's what hipsters do: They dress like your great grandfather. So how could you possibly tell them apart? Though the idea that someone mastered time travel just to go back and ironically witness the opening of a bridge in British Columbia is perhaps the most hipster thing imaginable.

But to all of us time travel skeptics, true believers have one last ace up their sleeves. Behold, the helicopter hieroglyphs of Abydos! Found in the lost Egyptian Temple of Seti, this series of hieroglyphs clearly show the outline of a helicopter, as well as other examples of modern machinery, such as a submarine and a jet fighter. Proof that's actually set in stone. Pretty damning, right?Submarine or Luke Skywalker's landspeeder.

Well, according to some academics bored enough to debunk this nonsense, those shapes are just a coincidental side effect of the stone having been reused at some point, with new symbols being carved on top of old ones (this is not uncommon, it turns out). They don't even work as hieroglyphs anymore; only as a Rorschach test for conspiracy theorists. It warns that whichever player appears on the cover of the annual installment of the Madden video game series will go on to suffer a career ending series of humiliating defeats or a horrifying injury in their very next panthers jerseys cheap season. Still, they get to be on the cover of a video game, impressing even the shittiest of nephews.

However, don't be fooled. Far from being some form of hi tech voodoo, this curse can simply be lifted by crunching the numbers.

It's estimated that 40 percent of quarterbacks will miss one game a season due to injury, while less than half of running backs make it through an entire season without being minorly crippled. Our point is that this is a sport in which the average player   a 6'1, 245 lb concussion machine   is expected to get hit by the human equivalent of a Dodge pickup truck. Injuries will happen. When someone looked at every player to ever grace a Madden cover and analyzed their performances over the subsequent season, only half had what could be considered a "bad" season, while the rest got on perfectly fine. By which we mean NFL "fine," which is like regular fine, but with a concussion.

All that the Madden curse shows is that people still have a fundamental misunderstanding of the realities of football. It's so brutal that many players are left with physical injuries   often permanent ones. Nobody plays Street Fighter and is shocked when a defeated Ken's face looks like a battered grapefruit. Playing Madden and thinking the covers are cursed is like buying Lion Tamer '16 and being surprised when the maniac on the cover gets mauled. It's unavoidable. Anyone born past Halloween might as well start saving up for a basement or fishing boat, because eventually they'll start collecting murder victims like other folks collect baseball cards. Unless, again, you understand how statistics work.

If you check these articles that claims that every November baby is a Ted Bundy in the making, chances are you'll find the same source being made reference to over and over again. That source is a PhD study entitled "Statistical analysis of the birth charts of serial killers". And guess what? It's bullshit!